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 A Dose of Your Own Medicine

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Beckett Clayton
Resident of Jonesport
Beckett Clayton

Posts : 6
Join date : 2013-11-02

A Dose of Your Own Medicine Empty
PostSubject: A Dose of Your Own Medicine   A Dose of Your Own Medicine EmptySat Dec 28, 2013 6:41 pm

Beck nodded, "well. I would offer to leave so that you had this room to yourself, but I am, unfortunately stuck here." And I hate it, he wanted to add. Hospitals gave Beck a weird feeling, one that made his head pound and his palms sweat. But there was no getting up and leaving this time around. He was stuck, for god knows how long.
"You can watch TV if you'd like," Beck offered Cole, looking at the small television mounted on the wall, "or you can just eat silently and not speak to me."
He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth and let out a deep breath.
Smooth, Beckett. Smooth.

Cole crossed and uncrossed her legs, taking her time chewing her pasta and taking a very long drink of water while she thought. She knew Beck, or at least, she liked to think she did... Anyhow, this was one of those moods. Beck didn’t like to show emotion, she’d realized this long ago and had gotten used to it quite some time ago.
“I’m good, I’ve got a book” she said, digging through her small back and producing the thick novel “I’m supposed to have it finished by the end of the semester, and I just started last week.” She flipped the book over and read the back again, before laughing once “apparently it’s stunning” she informed Beckett before taking another bite of pasta, “So far I am not stunned by this book” she said after swallowing.
It probably wasn’t the best idea, coming in here and completely ignoring every single thing she was feeling, but Beck was dumb and she still wanted to be around him, so that meant pretending nothing had happened.

Rubbing the top of his head, Beck cast a quick gaze to Cole. He tugged at his hair, trying to force his mouth to produce some sort of acceptable answer besides “I love you, stop avoiding this.”
Instead, he turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, pausing momentarily on Dora. She was looking for a banana tree; for some reason, Beck found it comical enough to start laughing, hand dropping from his hand and falling off the side of the bed. It dangled there. He curled and uncurled his fingers slowly, as though not used to the feeling.
He guessed the drugs were beginning to take affect, but then, he could just be going stir-crazy. The only people he’d talked to over the past week were Lucas and Maura… and Cole, if you counted the whole “I love you” fiasco as talking.
He wanted to roll over. He wanted to stand up and stretch. He felt as though he was molded to the hospital bed by now. Like he wouldn’t be able to get out of it when they released him, even if he tried.
“I’m assuming you don’t want to watch Dora,” Beck finally said, letting out a long sigh, “We can always watch….” he paused, flipping through a couple more channels, “The Notebook, Crazy Stupid Love, Valentine’s…. Okay we’re sticking with Dora.” he finally gave up.
All Romance movies. Fantastic. Life hated Beckett Clayton. That much, at least, he was sure of.

“Well I mean my spanish isn’t really up to par, so I don’t mind.” Cole said before eating the last of her pasta. She stood and crossed the room, dumping the container in the trashcan and picking up the bag of pizza on the way back, avoiding all eye contact with Beck. She set the bag by her back pack and put her feet up.
Colby settled on watching Beck, instead of the TV as he flipped through channels trying to find a non Dora show that he would enjoy.
The chances of that were slim. Clarke, Colby’s twin brother, had spent quite a lot of time in the hospital when he was 16, being a skateboarder and uncoordinated teenager meant he fell off his board a lot and almost never wore a helmet. This resulted in her brother cracking his skull and spending a month and two weeks of his summer break in the hospital. And Cole, not having many friends who weren’t her brother or out of town all summer, spent most of her time flipping through channel after channel of soap operas, racing, and romcoms.
Part of her wanted to inform Beck that next best thing on TV was probably Golden Girls, but the look on his face kept her quiet. It was almost disgust, but not quite. He looked uncomfortable, for sure. She would be too, cooped up in a hospital bed for days on end, and it was worse for Beck because he couldn’t get up and go for a walk down the hall, his back was still healing and Cole doubted they let him even go to the bathroom without several people on call.
Cole cleared her throat and slid her legs of the other chair “We don’t have to watch Dora, There are other things that aren’t TV to do around here”

If Dora said “mis amigos” one more time, Beck was sure that he would scream. Finally, he cut off the TV, unable to bear it any longer. He looked over at Cole upon her comment and raised his eyebrow.
“Like what? Walk. Oh wait. Go get food. Oh wait. Sit up? oh wait. Go down to the game room where the little kids get to go? Oh wait. I. Can’t. Walk.” He clamped his mouth shut and let out a long huff of air, running his tongue over his teeth. He pressed it back against the roof of his mouth, closing his eyes.
“I just don’t want to be here anymore.” He sounded exasperated. His voice was relatively weak. He bunched the covers of the bed up in his hand and threw them down, uncovering himself. The room felt too hot. The bed felt too stiff. Everything was wrong.
“I hate it. I’m tired of sleeping. I’m tired of being drugged up. I’m tired of not being able to move… or do anything.”
He was tired of Lucas worrying about him, tired of Cole being stuck there… and even worse, of Cole being so close but so unreachable to him. Under normal circumstances, he would stand up and at least hold her hand or something… but instead, he was stuck.

Cole bit her lip and sighed standing up “You’re worse than a child, I swear. At least they sleep most of the day.” She rolled her shoulders back and ran her fingers through her hair, which was a mess, really. She hadn’t spent much time worrying about how she looked lately.
“I’ll be back” She said not looking directly at him, rather at the tube in his arm, before ducking her head and leaving the room.
It wasn’t entirely uncommon for her to be the only one there to see Beck, but most days Lucas was there too, and today he was mysteriously absent, which put a damper on her plan to get him to charm the nursing staff into letting her take Beck out of the room.
It took about ten minutes and only speaking to the male nurses, but Cole managed to convince them that her taking Beck out in one of the hospitals rickety wheelchairs would be good for his health. Mental health, of course.
It was a total of fifteen minutes later when she returned to the room with some brunette nurse named Stacy and the newest of the ancient wheelchairs. “We’re going on a walk before you go stir crazy” She informed Beck. and idk the something else happened and im getting water
My baby Melissa is on TV hold on
going downstairs brb back

Beck had watched as Cole left, preparing to object to her leaving him. It was a constant struggle with him, really. Wanting her to be far away but close at the same time. She was gone before he could speak, though, and Beck settled his head back on the pillow.
“Alone again, Beckett.” he said to himself, clicking his tongue. He stared at the small stain on the ceiling, wondering briefly how it got there.
He heard the door open and expected it to be Lucas; Cole emerged back in the room, a nurse and wheelchair behind him.
A walk?
A w a l k?
“You mean a roll?” he replied, eyes staring blankly at the wheelchair. He wondered if this was how Maura felt each time she looked at her wheelchair. He’d rather be on his own two legs.
Still, it would be a walk with Cole. And that was enough to have him nod and allow the nurses to help him into the wheelchair. He cringed in severe pain each time they moved him but bit down on his lip in order to keep from making any noise. He hoped Cole didn’t see the pain registering on his face.
When he was situated in the wheelchair, Beck looked up at Cole, “okay.”

Cole smiled and stuck her hands in her pockets “Do you want to roll yourself or do you want me to push?” She asked, tugging on her hair and pulling it all over her right shoulder. She rocked on her feet and pulled the straps on her backpack tighter, anything to keep her hands and mind busy so that she wouldnt be tempted to just go and start pushing Beck’s chair, or worse, touch Beck. At all. Constant struggle. He had nice hair that was in constant need of a ruffle. “The nurses said I could take you wherever in the hospital, but you’ve gotta be back in the room by eight.” she said, and took her phone out again. She didn’t have any texts (Which was usual. Normally Beck was the only one she texted, with the occasional text from Clarke or Maura) She wasted a bit of time, checking her various social media sites, sending out a tweet that boys were dumb, ect ect before pocketing it “So?”

“I want to roll myself.” Beck answered after a moment’s pause. His eyes noted the fact that Cole’s hands kept flitting about. He sighed and turned his attention to the door, “as long as you’ll stay with me.” he added as an afterthought, quietly. She was checking her phone, so he wasn’t sure if she had even heard him. For all he knew, she could be texting someone new, tired of the back and forth which Beck seemed to pull.
He shook his head. No. No that couldn’t be the case, and he refused to even think on it more.
“So… we go?” he said, aware that he sounded like a complete three year old. He rolled the wheels of the chair, propelling himself forward slightly. He hoped Cole was following him. That was all he really cared about anymore… whether or not Cole was behind him.

Cole nodded and rubbed the back of her neck and then began to follow Beck “So how’s the food around here? I always bring food with me when I come”

Beck rolled along, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He slowed down slightly, craning his neck to answer Cole, “Oh. It’s… it’s okay. I mean, the pudding is good. The ceaser salads are pretty good. Everything else sucks.”

“Ceaser salad is always good, isn’t it? I mean... What else do they have? last time I ate at a hospital it was pretty much just Mac and cheese and over cooked cookies.” she pulled her hair up into a bun and knotted a pony tail holder around it. “I can bring you food if you want, it’s not too hard. I brought your brother food twice this week”

“Ceaser salad is the only salad worth eating,” Beck forced a small laugh, pausing his wheelchair in an empty hallway. The doors around them were open, the rooms vacant. He glanced into one, and immediately cut his eyes back to Cole. There was something eerie about abandoned hospital rooms. You could only hope that the patient who had been in there made it out walking… and breathing. “Cole,” Beck started, looking up at her, “I don’t want to talk about food.”

Cole rubbed at her elbows, an old habit of hers, and stared off down the hallway “Alright. Different small talk? The weather is pretty shitty lately, huh?”

“No… not small talk… I,” Beck rolled the chair back and forth, “I wouldn’t know what the weather’s like anyway. Stuck in here, and all.” he answered her question before sighing heavily and resting his hands in his lap. “Not small talk.”

Cole sighed and looked at her shoes. They were not quite as uncomfortable as this situation was, but it was a close second. “There isn’t really much else I’m up to talk about, Beckett” Cole informed him, gazing down a hallway as they passed.

He looked up at the ceiling, then at the walls, and then finally at Cole, running his eyes over her face. She wouldn’t look at him, but then, he didn’t blame her. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” he stated simply, ignoring the way his chest tightened, “me, I mean. You don’t have to do this whole situation with me. You can walk away. That was our agreement from the beginning. Only casual affairs and nothing serious. You can go.”

Cole sighed loudly. Beck was an idiot. “Yeah I know. But I don’t want to go. And I think we both know it’s not “””casual affairs””” anymore, Beckett.” She paused to tie her shoe, taking longer than she needed before standing up and brushing non existent dirt from her pants. “And you also know that you don’t have too. If you really want me to leave, I will.”

“You’ll leave sooner or later. Everyone does, Cole. It’s not that I want you to leave, it’s that I’m expecting it. I’m aware that it happens.” Beck tugged at his hair and looked up before closing his eyes. Why was it so difficult? Why did his throat feel as though it were closing off and his stomach felt as though it were twisted into knots? “I just want to save myself from how much it will hurt later. Because judging by how it feels now, it won’t be magnificent.”

“Not everyone leaves, Beckett. Your brother didn’t leave his wife, did he? My parents are still together, and have been for twenty eight years.” She scowled slightly at the back of his head and tugged at her hair again “Even your best friend, Maura. She hasn’t left her boyfriend, and by the way they act I don’t think she will. There are a few people who break up, Beck. It’s true. But you can’t go through life expecting to be alone at the end of every day. Because then you will be”
“Those other couples aren’t me. I’m not exactly easy to get along with.” He realized he was defending being alone in every way possible. He realized that it would be so easy for him to cave into what he wanted and stay with Cole. But there was a part of him that was still afraid that she would leave; he was already attached enough to her. “I don’t know. I meant what I said, Cole.”

“And I meant what I said. I do love you Beck, Even though it’s quite painful and I would rather us just be good pals who often wind up in the same bed” She sighed loudly and popped her knuckles, trying to keep herself from sprinting down the hall at top speed. Boys are dumb.

Beck wheeled the chair around so that he was facing Cole, “I want whatever makes you happy and is less painful in the end.” he finally decided, rolling the wheelchair closer to her, “whether that’s being with me and risking it or leaving.” He was ready to ask for bipolar medication. There were a million different voices in his head saying run and a million and one others saying stay.

“I don’t think you know what you want, Beckett. Because I told you I loved you and you pretty much begged me not too, and you’re so wrapped up in not getting hurt that not only are you hurting yourself, mmmmyoure hurting me too. And if thats what this is going to be like.. I dunno Beck.I think you need to... Get sorted or something”

Before he could think about what he was doing, Beck reached out and grabbed Cole’s hand, his fingers curling around it, “I want you,” he said, talking fast, “I just want you.” It was as close to the truth as he could get. He bit his lip and froze where he was, hand gripping Cole’s, trying to anchor her down and keep her there.

Cole stopped and looked at him “But will you want me tomorrow? or in a year? Can you deal with the fact that I might not want you in a year?” She asked. She did love him, and she did want to be with him, But she wouldn’t be caught in a relationship in which she would always feel trapped

“I don’t care. I mean, I do. And I guess I’ll care even more in a year, but right now, right here, I want you. And I don’t think there’s any point in trying to pretend I don’t. Maybe that’ll change in a year. Maybe in a week you’ll be tired of me. If you are… you can leave. But I don’t want you to leave now.”

“i told you I wouldn’t leave, Beck. And I won’t. Not for at least a week”

Beck took a deep breath, “okay,” he stated simply, loosening his grip around Cole’s hand. He didn’t quite let go though, unable to bring himself to, “okay.” he repeated. He was in a wheelchair and he couldn’t hug her or pull her into his arms like he wanted; he squeezed her hand twice. An unspoken apology and promise.
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